Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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