3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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