i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
