chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
