i was born a porn star she said
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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