weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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