Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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