Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
