I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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