this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
