Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
