Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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