i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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