why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
