This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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