I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
