i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
