maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
