all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
where are my eyebrows?
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