We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
