If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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