you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
