just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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