piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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