I feel like abortions should bother me more
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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