Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
