Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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