i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I want a musical about memes.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
