C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize