I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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