Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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