WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
