I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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