You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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