New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
