Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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