beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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