in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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