no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
