tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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