Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
