Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We're too hungover to prance.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
