Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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