He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
