He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
