One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
