Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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