im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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