I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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