Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
