It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
