i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
