Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Drunk is a universal language darling
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