david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
