I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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