so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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