Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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