i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
