Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
sarcasm needs its own font
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So vagazzling was a success
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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