she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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