My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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