Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Randomize
