Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
