hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
