I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
