I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
