69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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