Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
