the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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