who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize