my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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