my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
