your parents love me but you hate me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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