You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
