Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
hell yes lets make some ravioli
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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