I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
